Review: The Mask of Motherhood by Susan Maushart

Thought I'd add a little personal touch -- this is me at 26 weeks pregnant

The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It

Reviewed by Connie

Published: 1999

It's about: The Mask of Motherhood is a series of critical essays examining the physical, emotional, and psychological effects that motherhood has on women. Its premise is that we have a cultural taboo against discussing any of these radical changes, so new mothers are entering this transformational period completely unprepared for what lies ahead. Different essays specifically examine pregnancy, child birth, breast feeding, new motherhood, the juggling act, and marital relationships.

I thought: I cannot believe I only found this book because I stumbled across it in a thrift store and thought it looked interesting. Why has no one ever told me about this book before? Why has no one ever shoved a copy in my hands and forced me to read it?

As an expecting new mother, I have found myself feeling rather ambivalent about the drastic changes that are about to take place in my life and marriage. At times, I am unbelievably excited and can't wait to hold my baby boy in my arms for the first time. Yet there are plenty of other times I am so overwhelmed and overcome by anxiety that I can't sleep for nights on end, and just the sight of a onesie or a pacifier makes me sick to my stomach with worry.

Up until this point, I have found most resources for new mothers unhelpful, to say the least. Most of them are split into two camps -- 1. the motherhood is so beautiful, babies are such miracles, and when the baby comes, all is wondrous and glorious, and there are lots of rainbows; or 2. motherhood is the most difficult and least rewarding thing a woman can ever do; it's really hard, and it mega sucks. The former seems ridiculous and unrealistic; the latter, hyperbolic and unnecessarily negative.

Somehow, this book strikes a cord somewhere between the two. Maushart manages to communicate the extreme and unexpected difficulties of pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering while not stripping motherhood of its due credit or praise. In other words, somehow Maushart is simultaneously brutally honest and empowering and comforting.

Plus, though it's a series of critical essays, Maushart mixes in plenty of personal anecdotes and humor to make this very readable. I don't necessarily agree with all of her assertions, but it is a thought-provoking, well-researched book well worth a read. As it was published in '99, many of the statistics are over 10 years old, but I think the issues discussed are still very much relevant to the struggles of mothers today.

All in all, this book has better emotionally prepared me for motherhood than all other resources I've encountered -- combined.

Verdict: Stick it on the shelf. Just as I believe We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love is a must-read for any person who enters marriage or a serious relationship, I think this book is a must-read for any woman considering motherhood. I suspect it would be a useful read for those who are already mothers as well.

Reading Recommendations: Just read it. Just do it. And then give it to all your expecting friends.

Warnings: none

Favorite excerpts:
"Professionally, financially, socially, and spiritually we are primed for achievement. The more we can do, the more we should do. But the more we do, the worse we feel. And the sillier we look. It is surely worthy of note that the word contemporary women use more than any other to describe the management of their lives is the verb 'to juggle.' The women Friedan described felt as if their lives had been tranquilized... For women in the 1990s, by contrast, life is hyper-caffeinated; it's going so fast we can't assimilate it, let alone enjoy it. Yet when things slow down, we go into withdrawal, panicking that we must be somehow missing out. We are indeed the generation of 'women who do too much.'"

"Childbirth is one day, more or less, in a woman's life; motherhood is forever. Yet like gawkers at the empress's new maternity outfit, we steadfastly resolve not to notice. Other observers have noted that we devote more care to the licensing of automobile drivers than we do to preparing adults for parenthood. It's a point worth pondering. Limiting our education for parenthood to prenatal classes is a bit like limiting driver education to defensive strategies for getting out of the driveway. No one would dispute their usefulness, but they can only take you so far."

"To see motherhood properly, I am convinced, is to see it heroically, which means making full acknowledgment of the pain, the dangers, and the risks and taking the full measure of glory for its exquisite rewards. When we consider the inaugural maternal experience -- the journey we call childbirth -- the epic nature of the undertaking emerges with startling clarity. The drama of childbirth foreshadows both the pain and the power implicit in the journey ahead. Thus, it can function as a kind of prism through which the wider experience of motherhood is refracted."

What I'm reading next: The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy

Review: Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion

Joan Didion in the 60s (via)

Reviewed by Ingrid

Published:1968

It's about: This is a collection of Joan Didion's early essays originally published in various publications in the 1960s. The title of this collection comes from one essay describing Didion's experience in Haight-Ashbury, and comes from a W. B. Yeats poem called "The Second Coming." You can read the poem here.

I thought: I've been hearing about Joan Didion for awhile now - first Christine-Chioma reviewed her novel Democracy here on The Blue Bookcase in 2010, then I read Benoit's review of Slouching Towards Bethlehem and knew Joan and I were meant to be. I quickly added this book to my amazon wish list, where recently it resided back on page 5 or 6 until I heard her read from her most recent book, Blue Nights, on NPR, which pushed me a little closer, then I read this essay after perusing a google search and it was a done deal - I ordered Slouching Towards Bethlehem from Amazon that night and waited by the mailbox until it came.

Now that you have sufficient background, here's what I thought. There is a personal touch to Joan's writing that is radically appealing to me, for a number of reasons. She speaks from a place that is familiar and dear to me - she is about the same age as both of my grandmas, both of whom I am very close to and influenced my mindset and outlook on life as a little girl, when I lived in Newport Beach within 5 minutes of both of them, and now, as I go visit them both a few times every year. Joan and my grandmas all lived in California in the 60s and onward in similar, what one reviewer on goodreads described as "privileged" circumstances. All three were strong, articulate, beautiful women. As I read this book, Joan and my grandmas all meshed into one voice in my brain.

I loved how Didion writes about the "real" California, with its strip malls, deserts, Santa Ana winds, and endless expectations. She captures that 60s zeitgeist so wonderfully - in this way her writing reminded me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. In fact, the author of the articles I linked to up there says Joan Didion is like Hunter S. Thompson for women. Her writing style is so infused with details that women especially have seemed to relate to deeply - her description of the smell of jasmine, what she was wearing at certain important moments of her life, and how these and other details have affected her emotional life. Somehow she embeds these things in serious essays about society in the 60s. Of course, Joan Didion is for boys too. This is far from chick lit.

My favorite essays were the more personal ones, especially "On Keeping a Notebook" and "On Self Respect." Didion has been criticized for being too self-focused in her writing, but that is what makes her writing most appealing and significant to me. I've added my name to the waiting list at my library for Blue Nights and A Year of Magical Thinking. I'll also be borrowing another book of her essays, The White Album, from my friend Lauren. Joan and I have a lot more time to spend together.

Verdict: Stick it on the shelf.

Reading Recommendations: Check out the links above for more reviews and articles on Joan Didion. Also, I'm obsessed with this picture of Didion in her New York apartment. Especially that beautiful painting hanging above her sofa, and those sticks in the corner, the collection of framed photographs, the tidy piles of books. Beautiful.

Favorite excerpts: "Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss."

What I'm reading next: A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman

Review: Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau

Reviewed by Ingrid

Published: 1849

It's about: In this short essay, Mr. Thoreau argues that we as U.S.  citizens should not allow the government to overrule our consciences. It is our duty, he says, to make sure the government does not use us as agents of injustice. He compares the government to a machine, and argues that  the actions of conscientious citizens can act as counter-friction to slow the machine when it is produces injustice.

I thought: Meh. This essay wasn't as thrilling for me as I had expected, though it seems like everyone I know who has read this essay loved it. Sure, Thoreau makes some good points, and I do believe the views he espouses would be appropriate in some situations (as in the case of slavery.) However, these ideas certainly can't be universally applied, which is a big problem. What would happen if everyone would disobey the laws their conscience didn't agree with? I'll tell you - a mess. I bet most of Thoreau's WASPy male friends all had the same views as he did, though. If they were still the only ones that mattered like back in the mid 1800s, maybe this essay would be more applicable.

Though I liked Walden when I read it in 2009, I think Thoreau had the same issue as he did in Civil Disobedience. Sure, his views are interesting, but again, not applicable to everyone (even though he claims they should be.) Actually, I'm interested in what you think - for a theory to be legitimate, do you think it must be universally applicable? (I do.)

I read this essay as part of The Transcendental Event over at A Room of One's own. For a great overview of transcendentalism and links to other reviews of Transcendentalist works, go check out her post. 

Verdict: In between. 


Reading Recommendations: This is a quick read, and something a lot of people like to talk about - so even though it wasn't my favorite, I'd suggest you give it a try.

Favorite excerpts: "If the injustice is part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go: perchance it will wear smooth--certainly the machine will wear out. If the injustice has a spring, or a pulley, or a rope, or a crank, exclusively for itself, then perhaps you may consider whether the remedy will not be worse than the evil; but if it is of such a nature that it require you to be the agent of injustive to another, then I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn."

What I'm reading next: Leaving the Atocha Station by Ben Lerner

Review: The House On Crash Corner

Reviewed by Christina
[I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.]

Published: 2011

It's about: Mindy Greenstein is a psycho-oncologist, cancer survivor, and mother of two young boys. She grew up in Brooklyn, the child of two holocaust survivors who both had serious gambling problems. The House on Crash Corner is her collection of autobiographical essays.

I thought: You know how women of a certain age (ok, my age) have all read Bossypants this year and now consider Tina Fey their favorite celebrity best friend? Well, I feel that way about Mindy Greenstein after reading The House On Crash Corner. This book is like a series of discussions with a candid, funny, articulate friend who has all kinds of interesting experiences to share.

First of all, I mean, WOW, what a background! Ms. Greenstein's parents are these incredible characters with fantastic back stories of their own; her mother didn't have any formal schooling past first grade, and her father only finished eighth before WWII made them refugees. They're observant, traditional Jews, they spoke Yiddish at home (little Mindy learned English from TV), and they gambled like nobody's business. The early essays in this collection, especially, are full of Yiddish proverbs and superstitions and interesting tidbits about what life is like for observant Jews. (And if you know anything about me you probably know how much I loved these parts.)

The essays about cancer counseling and the author's own experience with breast cancer will probably be most touching for readers who share a connection there. But I still found them interesting and, in a non-cheesy way, uplifting. The essays about early motherhood spoke more to me: I appreciated their honesty and emotional integrity. I think my favorite thing about the book is the sweet yet level-headed way she deals with sensitive subjects (cancer, mommyhood, WWII survival) while sidestepping the sentimentality that tends to seep in with first-hand accounts of major life events. That would be difficult to do.

My only real complaint (besides the clunky title and the hideous cover that looks like it was designed by a middle-schooler) is that the book as a whole didn't feel very cohesive. There's a LOT of material here- a book about the older generation, a book about Mindy as a little girl, a book about being a psycho-oncologist, a book about her own battle with cancer. I guess I would have preferred more about each of these subjects in a series of essay collections.

Verdict: Stick it on the shelf! I can't figure out why this wasn't picked up by a major publisher. It really is very entertaining, original, and well-written.

Reading Recommendations: Essays are nice because you can read a few here and a few there. I guess that's not really a recommendation. I'll also say that this collection is a very quick read, thanks to the conversational style and its being less than 200 pages long.

Warnings: Uh, I sorta forgot to notice. Maybe a couple of swears? Nothing big.

Favorite excerpts:
"I remember one night when I was around eight. [My mother and I] were standing at the pantry, which was a closet off the kitchen. We were searching for a spice requested by the current batch of freeloading relatives, who just happened to be visiting at dinnertime, again. I decided to ask my mother about a new word I'd heard from one of the kids at school.
'Ma, what's a lesbian?'
'Shhh. Not so loud.' Her voice dropped. 'It's a woman who loves other women.'
'Then I'm a lesbian for you, Mommy!' I yelled, throwing my arms around her.
'Ssshhhhhhh! Sshhhhh!' she whisper-yelled back as she hugged me, too. Then we turned back to our uninvited guests, my mother red from embarrassment, and me smiling and happy- even though I wished those pesky relatives would go away and leave us lesbians alone."

What I'm reading next: The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore

Review: The Girl who was on Fire edited by Leah Wilson

Reviewed by Connie

Published: 2011

It's about: In the words of the subtitle, this is a collection of essays by "your favorite [young adult] authors on Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games Trilogy."

I thought: If you remember, a few months ago, I reviewed the entire Hunger Games trilogy, and while I felt very confident in praising many of its merits, I wasn't convinced that the series qualifies as especially literary. In response to that review, I was contacted with an offer to review this book, which takes a critical look at the trilogy to extract its various applications to modern life.

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